Posted by Candyman on November 29, 2004 at 18:45:10:
In Reply to: The Hotwife Rules We Live By posted by MidwestHotwifehub on November 29, 2004 at 16:22:41:
Your points are well taken, and many of your rules are consistent with ours. I think the dialogue you have started here could be useful, especially for the wannabes who frequent this forum.
My wife and I are swingers and we do MFM threesomes, MFMF foursomes, and moresomes. Some people on this forum do not consider swinging as part of hotwifing, but we and many others disagree as it clearly falls within the definition at the top of the homepage.
In any event, we follow a set of jointly-agreed-upon rules and/or guidelines that can be changed by mutual consent . . . not in the heat of passion but later when we are alone and not under the influence of lust. We had strictly adhered to this rule early on but, as we “matured” in the lifestyle, we have, on occasion, changed a rule while out playing but only with each other’s agreement. Of course, if one of us doesn’t want to change a particular rule while playing, the other complies without pressure or complaint.
Everything we do, we do together. My wife does not date men alone for a variety of reasons, not the least of which has to do with our desire to not give the third party the opportunity to engage in the romantic side of lovemaking. Dating without the husband seems to work for some couples, but it doesn’t for us. Even though the thought of it strangely turns me on, I can’t imagine going through the anguish of waiting at home while my wife is on a date with another man. Nor can I imagine giving another man the freedom to romance, and wine and dine my wife. It ain’t gonna happen . . . period!
No means no. If either party says “no,” then both must abide by the decision. While we try to be as open and “liberal” as possible, both of us must approve of the other one’s partner. Both of us have to be comfortable with the situation. While rare, there have been instances where one or the other simply did not want our mate to be with a particular individual for a variety of reasons, not limited to but not the least of which is jealousy. And, yes, jealousy does rear its head from time to time, although less frequently than in the past, and it has happened to both of us equally. It can be disappointing when it happens (my wife once said “no” to this unbelievably stunningly hot woman who was really into me . . . but I digress) but both of us have immediately abided by the other’s wishes, without question, hesitation, or recrimination. Again, the love and commitment we have for each other is paramount in our involvement in the lifestyle and all other aspects of our life together.
There is absolutely no contact with the “third party” or another couple without the other’s knowledge and approval. Aside from attending swing clubs and parties, we meet most of our “dates” through an Internet swing site where we have posted a profile, and we answer all email that we receive together.
We don’t get involved with men who are married without their wives, even if their wives have full knowledge and approve. It simply has the potential to get too complicated and, besides, there are nine gazillion qualified single (non-married) guys who are ready, willing, and able to play with us according to our terms.
In that regard, single guys that play with us have to be well-groomed, respectful, and courteous gentlemen who a) are willing to play by our rules, b) respect our limitations/boundaries, and c) are really into my wife. By my choosing, when we do a threesome, it is ALWAYS all about her. Guys who don’t FULLY understand that never get past my veto!
We have played on the first “date” if the chemistry was right for all individuals involved, especially if we’re at a swing club, but most of the time we all agree to just meet and decide later if we want to proceed further with the relationship. It’s easier when arranging a threesome with another guy, but finding another couple in which the chemistry is right for all four individuals is somewhat difficult, which anyone who has been in the lifestyle for any length of time knows.
While we have come to realize that we’re not going to be social friends with everyone we play with, we look for people we can be friends with both inside and outside the bedroom and have, in fact, become good friends with several swinging couples and single guys on this basis. And, in that regard, the people we have met in the lifestyle are among the most mature, enlightened, gentle people we have known. Aside from a couple of very minor incidents with people who had too much to drink, we have not had a bad experience during our many years in the lifestyle.
While a wonderful diversion and lusty endulgement in our busy lives, the hotwifing/swinging lifestyle does not drive us or define us. My wife has a management job in the medical industry, I own a small business, we have four adult children and three grandchildren, and are active in community affairs, all of which preoccupies most of our lives (although we get a deliciously evil thrill out of imagining what these “mainstream” people would think if they only knew).
For those who are new to the lifestyle or are contemplating getting into the lifestyle, you should know that we have made mistakes and done things that have hurt each other’s feelings or impinged on the other’s emotional security. Much of this happened in the early stages of our exploration into the lifestyle, and some, but not all, of the few times this has happened was when one or the other had too much to drink. Regardless of the reasons, both of us worked hard after the fact to rectify any misunderstandings and go forward with a firm resolve to “sin” no more. I point this out because mistakes are very human, and can be expected.
One of the things we have come to understand is that lust is a very powerful emotion and sometimes people will do things under its spell that they wouldn’t normally do outside the heat of passion. I’m not saying these lapses in judgment can’t be hurtful and harmful to the relationship but, in dealing with them after the fact, the “injured” party should keep the “infraction” in perspective. We try to avoid making a “cause celebre” out of a lapse if it was simply a weak moment brought on by passion and lust. The important thing is, we never lose sight of our primary objective, which is to have fun and explore our sexuality together, in a way that strengthens the bond and love we have in our relationship.
Over our seven years in the lifestyle, we have matured and learned a lot about each other’s sexual needs and desires. We have had a lot of fun, and we have grown closer together. We are deeply in love and have become more comfortable with the commitment each of us has toward the other and the relationship we have together as a result of our involvement in the lifestyle.